I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
