Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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