I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
