I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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