I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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