if i can run in heels then i can drive
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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