Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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