I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
