Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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