the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
