My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Boobs speak an international language.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
