turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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