Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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