if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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