i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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