you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
