TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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