Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
zippers are such a cool invention
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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