you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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