i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
