Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
