Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
