I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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