My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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