Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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