tell your sister to shave her snatch
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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