just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
