There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
