she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
