I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
