I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
