Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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