my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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