You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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