dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
