saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
