i was rollin on her like bob the builder
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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