Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
