Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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