the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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