My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
