i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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