well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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