I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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