My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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