You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
