Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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