She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
