At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
