my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
