She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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