yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
