Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
