Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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